I have come across a lot of young women lately that have been going through that midlife stuff. I also see a lot of them stuck and it's sad for me. This has led me to share some of what I learned about this time.
I went through this reconciliation process with myself 6 years ago, during a time of pain and desperation. I was in a marriage that was hurtful and harmful because I thought I would go to hell if I got a divorce. I tolerated my mothers abuse because I was fearful of breaking any commandments. The reality is, I didn't understand Gods word, just the parts that were cherry picked by religion to condition me. I had reevaluate everything I was taught and everything I had believed.
This phase of life is actually a very necessary process. It's in this place we reconcile our identity and purpose. Done in a healthy way, this can change a life for the absolute better.
The most important piece here is making sure not to give up our standards and beliefs but rather evaluate what our standards and beliefs will look like. We are allowed to do that as adults.
An example is religion. I had to come to terms with the reality that some of the beliefs I had picked up were not necessarily in line with God's word. Without an environment of recovery, I would have probably just thrown away my beliefs about God and lived a lost life, but that was not the case. I had people to help me through the examination process.
As I reevaluated my beliefs and standards on my own terms, the lesson I learned was to seek God and his will for my life. I learned to be spirit led, read my bible and live out my understanding of the great creator that I now love and no longer fear. ( I want to clarify I fear living outside God's will for my life so it's important I obey his calling for me but I don't fear being thrown into hell for making mistakes. He is good and forgiving and wants me to try again when I mess up.)
Reconciling relationships with people is important too. I was able to decide what type of daughter, sister, mother, and friend I wanted to be and then I got to be that person. When we know what our standards and beliefs are, we are less likely to be manipulated and hurt in our relationships because we can be comfortable, confident and authentic inside our connection with others.
I share this because I think that so many that go through this process get lost. They throw all of their belief systems and standards out the window and end up jumping from one relationship to the next with no guidance from the God they have given up on.
Take ownership sisters. It's your life. Examine who you are and what you were created for. God brought your here with value and purpose. I pray you come to a place where you can recognize and embrace that.
A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,