For the last three years, I have had a focus area for my life. Three years ago it was recovery. Two years ago it was growth. Last year it was making intentional decisions. This year it is my children.
In the beginning of my recovery, I had to do step work and uncover those false belief systems I had developed as a child growing up in dysfunction. I then had to allow my self to learn healthy and honest belief systems. I grew through that process in the second year as those new belief systems developed and took root. Last year I had to be intentional in my focus and put some real work into this new life God had given me. Now, it's time to take my children along in that recovery.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6 ESV)
The thing about children is they will go the way they are trained up. Even though we have participated in the family centered recovery program "Celebrate Recovery", our children learned from our behavior before recovery as well.
The family arguments, the reactions to drama, the critical comments and sarcastic whips, all found in most families but very predominant in families of dysfunction. They are unhealthy coping skills and we certainly passed those on to our children.
We have worked with our kids and as I said earlier, they have been to recovery as well but they need more. They need taught better and re-trained.
I heard something at a conference last month and it resonated in my momma heart. "No amount of discipline will make up for lack of training". I can correct my children's behavior all day long. I can ground them and put them in time out for mean things they might say or for unruly behavior. It won't change that they have been trained up in the presence of unhealthy coping skills. It will take learning new coping skills for them to recover and change their behavior.
I am sharing this in preparation for the beginning of 2015. I am sharing it to inspire other families, other parents. Recovery is exhausting. We weren't all "churched" growing up or taught healthy belief systems. It's okay to admit that, to claim for your life what you are going to do now.
God can make changes in our lives at any point we are willing to submit to them. We have to remember if we have done that after we have had children, we have to bring our children along in this decision. We have to allow God to show us a healthier way to parent and then we have to apply those actions to our everyday life. It won't be easy but it is possible and it is certainly worth it.
Praying for all of my recovery family and their children.
A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ