"So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Matthew 19:6
When I entered the Celebrate Recovery program 2 years ago, I was told after I worked the 12 steps on myself, I would have to work them on my marriage as well. To be honest, I had already given up on my marriage at that point and working anything on it just didn't make sense. I had tried for 15 years, I was out of options, or so I thought.
After working the steps on ourselves, a reconciliation happened and my husband moved back home and we were ready. What we didn't realize was how we were really starting from scratch. On our knees in prayer, we gave it all back to God and He sure began to work.
Here is the part I would like to say that everything is perfect and all better today. I have learned it will never be perfect and all better. Marriage is a process. It is not just a process to make us happy, but to make us holy. It forms and molds us into better people. IF we feed our marriage with intention and purpose, it will grow and thrive as the most important relationship we can have with another person.
I know as a parent, I wasn't absolutely sure what to do with a baby or how being a mom should look. I knew a baby needed fed so I asked the nurses and doctors and other moms. I knew a baby needed check ups so again, I sought guidance from others, I read parenting books to make sure my kids were functioning and thriving as expected. If I had just guessed, I would risk starving my child, harming my child, I wouldn't be a good mom. This is exactly what we had done wrong in our marriage. We didn't seek advice and instruction and had literally starved it.
I see now, how my marriage requires the same care and concern. If I want to be a good wife, I had to seek guidance from other wives. I had to read books, particularly the bible. I had to pray and I had to be willing to grow. Just as I am determined to succeed as a mom in raising my children, I had to be dedicated to my marriage. Anything less that submission and obedience to instruction and wisdom and I my marriage wouldn't make it. My identity as a wife was on the line and it was my own fault for not thriving in that area.
Once I was able to accept my part and as my husband accepted his, we were able to start feeding into our union. Our relationship began to grow. A ministry leader recently pointed out that just as children have growing pains, we have growing pains in our recovery. This is the very truth and there have been growing pains in my marriage. At the end of the day, our marriage has grown. It has grown more than I ever thought possible.
I am grateful that God loved me too much to leave me where I was at a couple years ago. I am grateful for progress and growth. I am grateful for the transfusion of grace and mercy into our marriage by the saving sacrifice of Christ. I wanted to share, for those that may be facing starving marriages. Start feeding into that precious covenant. Start by getting on your knees, and asking God to take over. He will provide the way, if you can manage to submit to His will. What once was starving can began to bear fruit again. For those needing more guidance, you can find a local Celebrate Recovery group near you.
www.celebraterecovery.com
A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,
~Johnna
