I know the plans I have for you Declare the Lord....

Several months ago, my husband and I felt our ministry being moved to another city. Not understanding why but both receiving our own confirmation before finally sharing it with each other, we both knew we had to obey. I resigned from most of my volunteer work in the city I live in and we began attending a new church in the place we were being led. 

Before school started, our church partnered with a local suicide prevention program for a barbque and Backpacks event in the park. I was fascinated with this program. Having no experience in that ministry field, I accepted that it probably wasn't my calling and let it go. I knew God will tell me where I was supposed to be in time. I was anxious, having a servant's heart, I wanted to be working, to be used and serving. 

Two weeks later , I was in another city when our State Representative for our recovery ministry told me that the same suicide prevent program would be at her church. She invited me to attend. I told her about my experience with them but wasn't sure it was where I was being called. I always worked with homeless and addicts, this was a whole different field. I wrote the date down and told her I would pray about it. 

Life became pretty busy.  My husband scheduled our joint testimony for December. Our joint testimony that hasn't been written. Burying myself in our recovery ministry,  I knew I had work ahead. 

On September 3, 2013, I received the unthinkable call. My mother, who had faced many battles her entire life, had committed suicide. I couldn't function. I completely submitted to

God and sought whatever comfort I could find. It was during the next couple of weeks, I would experience some of the most holy moments of my life. These weren't fun moments, they weren't easy moments, they weren't happy moments,  but I have never felt closer to God. He was breathing life into me when nothing in this world could. 

Our recovery tells us, God never wastes a hurt and that He will use all things together for His good, all things, even the tragedy that had now cast a huge shadow of grief over our entire family . I had no clue how that was going to work, I still don't but that promise was the only hope I had during this season of loss.  

Yesterday, I was checking my calendar, I almost broke down. There it was written, that date I had long forgot. The day I was invited  to church to meet with the suicide prevention program. It was right there, on October 7, 2013, my mothers birthday.

I realize I am not very qualified in this specific field. I also know that God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called. I go forward gently, and grateful for purpose.

 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna