On my Knees...

When I first found myself in a recovery support program called Alanon, I had an amazing sponsor. She would lead me through steps and guide me through exercises that would be helpful to me. I was listening, to most of it. I wasn’t seeing much change. I would be okay for a minute and then would go right back to that pattern of insanity, trying to fix everything on my own willpower.

One day, I was frustrated and called her complaining. Nothing seemed to be working and I was ready to hide in a closet. She asked me, “Are you praying on your knees like I told you to?”  The answer was, ‘I am praying, exhausted and worn out, layed out on my bed”. That was not the answer she was looking for. I wasn’t praying submitted to God, I was praying submitted to my body that was completely finished with the day and ready for sleep.

In reflecting on this time in my life, I realize  I had been saying my prayers so I could go to sleep. For many years in fact, that was the routine. Get ready for bed, and then say my prayers so I could go to sleep. Oh what I have learned in the last couple years. Starting with, prayers aren’t just so we can go to sleep. In fact, that isn’t what they are for at all.

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19 KJV

This is what prayer, on our knees is for and what it does for us. I would encourage you to learn, pray and meditate over this scripture. Then practice it!

Something amazing began to happen as I became intentional about praying on my knees every morning and every night. I started with praying for the new day and God to guide my thoughts and actions and end every day, thanking God for helping me make it through. Very quickly, I found myself on my knees by my bed more than just every morning and every night. I would get frustrated with my husband or my kids and I would go tell God about it. “Lord, what is with THEM”. I would get back up, and something would be changed, but it wasn’t THEM, it was me!! I felt like a new person facing a new day, every time!!! All of a sudden, my frustrations and worries and overwhelming responsibilities began to shrink. I had learned to effectively hand everything, including myself, over to God. When I did this, He was then able to work in me.

The first 3 steps of any 12 step program can be summarized liked this;

Step 1. I can’t
Step 2. God Can
Step 3. I will let Him

I hope by sharing some experience, strength, and hope that I have been able to help you like my sponsor helped me. I pray for you to find the strength to get on your knees, submit it all to God and let Him begin to do that wonderous work in you that only HE can do!!!

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,
Johnna