Wednesday, February 27, 2013

How far away are we...

I had a pastor when I was a young girl that explained reading the bible to me. He told me that we wouldn't always understand all of it, but we weren't called to understand, just to read. God would bring us understanding in His time. I can remember being 9 years old and my head spinning from all the "begats".

I say that to say this... I can and do understand the bible but what I want to share today is kind of a realization between the lines. Meaning, this is not necessarily a biblically authorative led blog post.

I finished 2 Chronicles this morning. In chapters 33 and 34, we are introduced to King Amon who takes the throne at 22 and reigns for 2 years. He isn't a righteous king so his servants kill him and his son Josiah becomes king at the age of 8. Josiah is a righteous king and reigns for 31 years.

Now, this part stood out to me and in fact stopped me in the middle of reading. This 24 year old man has an 8 year old son. Meaning he was 15 or 16 when he conceived this child. He then went on to disobey God and lost his life early. Out of this, came a good child, an 8 year old king.

As  a mom of 6, I am amazed and appalled here. I spent all day yesterday, trying to get my 8 year old to clean-her-room. I admit I have not perfectly raised perfectly obedient kids. I tried every trick in the book, she wasn't cleaning her room. Now this 8 year old boy, whose daddy was naughty as naughty kings could be, was a good kid that was capable of being a good king. HUH, HOW, WHAT?

So I wonder, how far away from God and obedience are we in today's society. I am thinking really, really, really far. I am appalled.

I also realize that I do try to be the best parent I can be and I am a messy sinner and I mess up this parenting thing a lot. So how did this 8 year old boy make a good king? I heard a saying once. It is , God doesn't expect us to be the perfect parent, He expects us to point our children to Him in everything we do. When I am a good parent, my kids see me pray, when I am a bad parent, my kids see me pray. This amazed me.

The truth and the picture in this is that it isn't about us. We are used to carry out God's will. I have read from 1 Samuel through to 2 Chronicles (The Kingdom Era). For every bad king, there was a good one as well and I can't find any specific order that good and bad kings came.

For if ye turn again unto the Lord, your brethren and your children shall find compassion before them that lead them captive, so that they shall come again into this land: for the Lord your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn away his face from you, if ye return unto him. 2 Chronicles 30:9 KJV

The fingerprints left... take it all to God, teach it all of God. Regardless of how far away today's society is, God wants us to seek Him and He wants us to teach our children to seek Him. Are you taking the time to turn it over and seek God?

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Growing wishes...


Recently, My husband was outside with all of our children playing in the yard. Our 6 year old pointed a dandelion out to her dad and said, "Look dad, we're growing wishes". Oh how much this moment shows to us a childlike perspective. Full of excitement and purpose, she was ecstatic over a simple dandelion in the yard.

How can that leave fingerprints on us? The verse that comes to mind for me...

And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. Luke 17:6

Just like our 6 year old excited about "growing wishes", we can be that excited about growing faith. A mustard seed is oh so tiny. It just takes that small amount on our part and God will grow it and then we can plant it anywhere and every where we go. Like the dandelion that spreads and grows as children are blowing it's seeds into the wind, so can our faith and ultimately, the good news of the gospel be spread and grown.

Are you growing in faith and spreading the good news? Are you leaving fingerpints?

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna 

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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The cures...

Spent the morning studying the beatitudes in Matthew 5. I think they are the cure for the abominations that start in Proverbs 6:16.

I say that because in Recovery, we are taught not just to look at the character defect but also the opposite, the asset. To let God work in us and on us in removing our defects by intentionally practicing the opposite of our habits.

The Beatitudes are a roadmap of virtues for us to intentionally practice. They don't just help heal character defects, they prepares us for the kingdom of heaven.

It amazes me how much recovery is biblical but I think the analogy of recovery helps bring the biblical into a lost world.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Songs of Praise



One of my favorite ways to worship is through music. It’s unfortunate that I can’t sing.  Actually I guess I could but not many other people would be interested in hearing the distorted sounds that come out. I am absolutely thrilled that God gave that gift to at least one of my children.

My 9 year old daughter Amanda has a heart for singing. I didn’t just say voice or ability to remember lyrics even though she has both of those gifts as well. She really has the heart for singing. I catch her with her eyes closed singing a worship song and I see my daughter communicating with God. I am awestruck watching her in these moments.

Last December, Amanda was invited to sing at church for Christmas eve service. She was so excited and nervous. We were all so happy for her. She was concerned about remembering the lyrics as it was a song new to her. She practiced several times at  home and at church and was able to get somewhat comfortable.

Christmas eve came and it was time. Amanda stood up in front of the congregation looking scared but determined. The music came on and she began singing. Then it happened. Amanda was thrown off a little and she panicked and she broke down crying on stage. My heart was instantly shattered for my daughter. The music minister stood beside her, prayed with her on stage until she calmed down and helped her continue. She did great, she overcame a mistake and finished and her voice was beautiful.

I have to get honest. I think every adult present was humiliated FOR her. We all wanted to take that pain, that hurt, that moment and protect her from it. To see a child stumble is so difficult. Any one of us would have done anything to make that better for her.  At least that is what most of us saw and felt.
Later that evening as our family was gathered in our kitchen preparing for bed, we stood in a circle and took turns telling what we were grateful for. Amanda’s turn came and she grinned and she said, “I am grateful I got to sing for my Lord tonight”.

Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! Psalms 95:1-2 ESV

I was instantly convicted in so many ways. I saw my daughter stumble in front of people. I saw her break down crying. I thought it was kind of weird how she did finish and that was that. She didn’t seem to have many after effects of the mistakes that we all felt. I understood why she wasn't upset for long when Amanda spoke her words of gratitude. Amanda wasn’t just singing to perform for the people. In fact, that was probably the last thing she was singing for. Amanda was singing for her Lord. That was her heart and that is why God gave her this gift. I learned from my daughter this day, as did many others. She didn’t make a mistake, she did what she set out to do, she used her gift for God’s glory and in return he used that experience to grow her and the people around her.

I share this because it was put on my heart after reading about song in my bible tonight. This blog is about how we can leave fingerprints. That goes both ways. Sometimes, fingerprints get left in our life by others. I am grateful for my kids and all they teach me. God uses them in so many ways and I am amazed and blessed.  When did someone leave fingerprints in your life? Are you taking the time to pay attention and learn?

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

Sunday, February 17, 2013

To "those" people from "us" people..

I have several family members that struggle with addictions to drugs and alcohol. These struggles often result in people passing judgement and acting with prejudice towards our family. As someone that has never touched a drug and can count on my hands the number of times I have drank, this causes me great frustration.

I want "those" people that look at "us" people to know a few things:

1. Our family struggles, they are not what defines our family. Our reaction to our struggles define our family.

2. It's a family struggle. One family member that isn't sober minded will affect the rest of the family and their thoughts and actions.

3. We didn't choose this struggle, it's a disease that requires something outside of ourselves to cure.

4. Recovery becomes a way of life because without it, we wouldn't have life.

5. Those of us that have found recovery, are grateful for our struggle. It's gives us a spirituality that only comes from living a hell that few understand.

6. We do believe in God just as much as you do and consider ourselves God's children. The grace present through our struggles has left no doubt of God. He is real and He is good.

7. We kind of feel sorry for you. Everyone has hurts, habits, and hangups but not everyone gets the freedom that comes from recovery.

8. Celebrate Recovery can help you too.

In the past, recovery programs have been more aimed at specific groups. Celebrate Recovery has opened up the world of recovery to include everyone. It's a program for Men, Women and children struggling with anything. I recently took a chip for my weight, and have taken them for my marriage, control issues, resentment, handing things over to God, a call to ministry, and the list is endless.

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. (Romans 7:18 ESV)

If you are reading this and are facing ANY struggle or if you are just curious, I invite you to find a Celebrate Recovery near you.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

Friday, February 15, 2013

When Recovery works..

In recovery we learn what is called the thee C's. They are a formula for dealing with the actions and habits of others. They are, I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, and I can't Cure it.

There has been conflict in my life lately with people that are not in recovery. This conflict has been ongoing and without resolution for awhile. It all kind of came to a head this week.

I spent quite a bit of time looking at both sides of the street, trying to make sense of it. After seeking counseling from a minister, I understand I have done all I can on my side of the street. Not everyone has the ability to look at themselves when in conflict, especially if they haven't had recovery to teach them.

My instincts want me to resort to old behavior and try and force others to see things my way. What I have remembered is the 3 C's.

I have a peace in my heart. I know conflict isn't about winning or being right, it's about learning. This lesson has taught me to set healthier boundaries. I also have to stop people pleasing which is exactly what put me in the position to be manipulated.

One more thing I am understanding, sometimes other peoples trials and tribulations affect us. When conflict arises with people that aren't very experienced in the area in which they are working, they have to learn. They have to grow and stretch just like I do. I am sure God is teaching everyone involved. I can't take on other people's trials, I have to get out of God's way. I have to face my trials and grow from them. This is Recovery working.

for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13 ESV)


A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~ Johnna

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Realizations...

Brokeness removes the pieces of dysfunction with which we have been molded. After the tears have dried and the hurt eases, we become aware of the spiritual perfection that has been hidden in the darkness. With this enlightenment, we have passed the feeling of pain and entered the comfort of peace in which God has rewarded us for our faithfulness. Not because our tribulations are over, but because we know their purpose. The intention of life isn't to find happiness, it's to find holiness.

A Grateful believer In Jesus Christ
~Johnna

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

She's a Christian!!

Out of our 6 kids, three have been saved. As parents, we have explained salvation to them, what it means to be a Christian and held their hands as they have prayed the sinner prayer.

Bring in our daughter Kamryn, who is special needs. She has always been a very very spiritual child. She is my
little evangelist and tells everyone about Jesus. However, because of her special needs, she hasn't been through the process of being "saved". I have carefully explained to her before but she would just get this confused look. She understood praying and she loves to sing every prayer she says. She is in love with Jesus but the process... I had to pray over that. Would her learning capacity allow her to understand?

Today, Kamryn comes in my bedroom, lays directly on top of me and tells me she is going to miss me when I die. I told her I hoped I didn't die for a while. She said "you will die someday and so will I and we will meet each other in heaven, but I'm not a Christian mom". I told her that being a Christian means having Jesus in our heart. She said "mom, I have Jesus in my heart but I'm not a Christian and I need to be a Christian" Kamryn had gone from joyful to sad, upset, and insistent. I felt that her declaration of Jesus being in heart was probably proof of what I had expected, God got a hold of her a long time ago. She was adamant that something was missing, so I explained.

I told her that Christians say a prayer in which we ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins, come into our heart and help us live like him. As soon as those words were out of my mouth, Kamryn started praying a very quick but very important prayer. When she was done she asked if she was a Christian now. I told her yes, and she jumped up and started shouting "I'm a Christian, I'm a Christian". She ran all through the house. As her daddy walked in the door she jumped in his arms and said "I'm a Christian, I'm a Christian and when I die, I'm going up to heaven and staring DOWN at the devil". Her dad hugged as we laughed and cried with her. Her sisters were all giggling as they explained to her that they were now sisters in Christ.

As I was talking to my husband about how I have always been kind of concerned how this moment would happen for Kamryn, I told him, it really is that simple. He added "and that exciting" as Kamryn is still dancing and twirling through the house shouting "I'm a Christian".

But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. (Mark 10:14-16 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

Monday, February 4, 2013

Baby Veronica Facts vs. Emotions

Can an emotional manipulation of facts really trump the best interest of a child?

In today's society, many tools are available at just a click of whatever device one may be using to access Internet. We can launch a nationwide boycott from a phone or stir up the emotions of thousands by telling our perspective of a story to gain support. This is exactly what has happened in the case of Veronica Brown.

Veronica is the biological daughter of Dusten Brown. She was relinquished by her mother for adoption at birth. Her father and her tribe, the Cherokee nation were not given the opportunity to appropriately intervene until Veronica was already in another state and in the custody of the couple wanting to adopt her.

Fortunately for Veronica and her family, she is protected by a federal law known as the Indian Child Welfare Act. Passed in 1978, this act ensures that native American children remain with their biological families whenever possible.

In an interview, Veronica's biological mother, Christinna Maldonado stated she cut contact off from the father while she was pregnant in an attempt to test him.

Dusten Brown intervened and asserted his rights as Veronica's father. He filed in the State of Oklahoma by the time Veronica was 4 months old, well within his legal time limit. He found out, days before being deployed, that his daughter was living with strangers over 1000 miles away. The legal battle was on.

According to Oklahoma records, Dusten was able to prove paternity but the counsel for the couple made the decision to fight Dusten's rights and requested jurisdiction be moved to South Carolina since that was currently where Veronica resided.

The good news is that even in South Carolina, Dusten was able to win the right to his daughter but the appeals were endless and dragged out by the couple that were intent on keeping his daughter.

At the age of 27months, with appeals exhausted, Veronica was finally able to go home to her dad, big sister, and grandmother. You would think this was the happily ever after but it was really the beginning of a nightmare.

The couple had a friend that ran a marketing firm. Dubbed by the media as their "spokeswoman", a Facebook page was started along with a website and twitter account. Fundraising efforts to raise money for the couple's legal counsel ensued.
From bracelet's to Veronica Rose perfume, all imaginable marketing angles were covered. What resulted where thousands of supporters for the couple that heard about this sweet little 27 month girl that was "taken" from the only home she had ever known. Angry supporters often referred to Dusten as the "sperm donor" on the Facebook page that claimed they needed to "save" her from her dad. Death threats and kidnapping threats came in from all over the United States. Supporters of Dusten and Veronica, including myself, received hate filled emails that went so far as to suggest we should kill ourselves. A brick with the initials of the facebook page (SVR) was thrown threw the window of the big sisters bedroom. The media had successfully kidnapped the emotions of people nationwide. Dusten was viewed as a horrible person rather than the loving dad that just wanted his daughter home.

The national organization that supports and educates in ICWA, the National Indian Child Welfare Association, put together a document that asserted the facts verses what the couple and marketing efforts put out there.

The problem is the emotions that had already been evoked. It seems everyone has a stake in this case. From adoption agencies to foster care agencies to father rights advocates. The fight was fought all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States who is expected to hear oral arguments in April 2013.

In the meantime, the media fight continues with both sides very adamant that they are right. While some child advocates may have valid examples where ICWA could work better, so can cases be seen where ICWA did it's job. In the ruling from South Carolina's Supreme Court, it is very clear that Veronica should have never made it out of the State of Oklahoma. Several procedures and laws were not efficiently adhered too, including that fact that a native American child can not legally be relinquished and removed until they are 10 days old. This didn't happen for Veronica .

I can understand a couple's desire for a child, I can understand the frustration at facing so many obstacles to adopt and as a former foster parent, I can understand the loss of returning a child. Should any of those emotions be able to outweigh and decide the best interest of the child? How hard would it have been to directly contact Dusten BEFORE making plans to be in the delivery room with Bio mom at the birth? We can't skip steps in an adoption attempt and then launch a nationwide emotional outburst that can be detrimental to the childs well being, or can we? Already stabilized in her home, will Veronica really be removed from her dad or will the Supreme Court be able to see past the emotion that has clouded the judgement of thousands that fell in love with a little girl whose picture was plastered everywhere?

As a Christian, I just have to pray for God's will and everyone involved to somehow find comfort and peace.

*all content is my Opinion and any facts can be searched through court records or at NICWA.org where several fact checks for this case
are available

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Relaxing through the process

When I was a young teenager, I was in and out of the hospital quite often. After about two years, they finally discovered it was my gallbladder. During those years, I endured many procedures. Some of those procedures are the kind that cause adults to be scared. I also had my blood drawn many times. I learned fairly quickly if I would relax and go with it, all would be over quickly and the pain was minimal. I knew if I fought the nurses or tensed up, I would be in more pain. If you have ever had a needle stick in your arm, you know the more tense you are or the more you move, the more likely there would be bruising, swelling, or even a vein would blow.

I am older now but I am always very cooperative at the doctor and I intentionally remain calm so that I can minimize any pain I might have. This was a practice I was able to use while giving birth to my children as well.

I feel emotionally chaotic quite often. I have a ton of things on my plate and I start trying to take control of it all instead of letting it come to me a step at a time. Today, I had planned to get up, make breakfast for my family, get dressed for church and off we would go. My husband ended up being quite sick and the two little ones were coughing. The crud has been going around and knowing we couldn't go to church and spread our germs, we decided we needed to stay home. As I walked in the little girls room, I was overwhelmed with the mess. There were playing cards and clothes from one end to another. I told them to clean and as I went to sit down and calm down, I realized how chaotic I had become. I was breathing and praying and trying to regain composure.

It dawned on me, I was fighting what was happening this day. It hasn't gone as I have planned but my plans shouldn't be what determine my peace. I realized and learned something I pray sticks in my heart. Just as I have learned to relax physically at the doctors office, I have to relax spiritually and emotionally. God is the healer over all of me and while there are "procedures" that He has to work in my life, if I will relax and let God do what He needs to do, the frustration and pain will be less. Fighting God
will make things way more difficult and painful. My will and my way is NOT best. I have to take my day as it comes and let the rest go. God is in control.

After I was able to stop fighting this day and I could reflect on what was going on, well I spent the next 30 minutes with this message on my heart before I gave in to sit down and share it. It's a message I am grateful and I hope it is a stepping stone in my journey so they I can feel less chaotic and I can grow with less pain.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord , and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna