Even my tooth fairy feels inadequate

Dollar bills decorated with glitter spray and notes left in gold ink? Come on....

My tooth fairy had some excuse about running out of gas and would be around later as she was running behind and that's why the tooth is still under the pillow at 8am

I am considering a social media detox... 

Sincerely, a Pinterest reject 

And a grateful believer In Jesus, 

~Johnna 

Phil Robertson... Bridging the gap

If you have access to any type of Social Media, it's a pretty sure thing you have by now read someone's opinion of Phil Robertson's opinion on homosexuality. 

What a messy world we live in and how sad that  we have so many gaps between us as a people. I am in the ministry field and I am the biological daughter of a gay man. I know that gap, that struggle for identity and to know your own core belief system and then to have the confidence to stand firm in those beliefs. It's a delicate balance, life. 

In today's world, we are pulled to political correctness, to tolerance, to "coexist". As Christians, we aren't called to those things, we are called to love. There are no "ifs" behind that commandment and it is the second greatest commandment of all. 

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40 ESV)

Corporations and politicians with hidden agendas have purposely widened the gap between us. To target a "demographic". That is where so much of this stems from. How old are you, what color are you, what ethnicity are you, where do you live, what is your religious beliefs? Then they can pinpoint who to target to get the money or the vote. So where does that leave us? It leaves us with the responsibility to bridge the gap between people and their beliefs. It's in that gap, you will find the essence of humanity, Love. 

So whether or not you believe the words spoken by Phil Robertson, you can agree, he had the right to say them. We can't ask tolerance for one lifestyle and deny another person the same. 

Let's go past tolerance this time, and practice something bigger, Love.  Phil says it's best in his  own response... 

"I myself am a product of the '60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ

~Johnna 

Not as I will, but as You will

Oh this road to recovery. Sometimes we accidentally learn more than we bargained for. 

My husband and I gave our joint testimony for the first time yesterday. At least as far as a public setting goes. It was the shorter version for a video and structured in interview form. My heart was so grateful for the Godly sober man sitting next me.  For so long I just wanted him to be better, I didn't imagine excellence. That is what God did with him though, transformed him into an amazing and wise man that now ministers to others that struggle with addictions. Oh what a blessed woman I am or so I was thinking. 

Then, as I sit with my family last night watching a Christmas movie, I was overcome with grief. Oh how rude  grief is, showing up at any time it wants without warning. It's been 15 weeks since I lost my mother to suicide. The mixed feelings that come with that. Oh how I tried to get her to seek help. I begged, pleaded, threatened, manipulated, I just wanted her to be better. I needed her. 

God's way of redeeming my trials and tribulations is often to show me a lesson. I have come to accept this and in the midst of trials, I  impatiently wait for the lesson so I can feel the relief that comes with purpose. Well today, that lesson that has been brewing for three days finally showed up. 

I needed my mom and my husband to be okay and I needed that for myself. I realize so much more now. I feel compassion replacing feelings of abandonment. I can't imagine the hell they were living in facing battles and not  finding an escape. I realize that though their struggles affected me, their struggles weren't about me. 

What I am trying to get out, that I want to share, 

When we seek help for our loved ones struggling with addictions, we have to ask, is it because their addictions are hurting them, or is it because their addictions are hurting us? If it's not for them, we need a meeting too! 

We can't help others when we make it about what we can benefit from the situation. We can only help others when we accept that we are merely placed in their path for God to work through us. When we admit that and surrender to that, God can and will work through us. 

I can't bring my mom back. I can't change what that situation was, but I can share and hope someone reading can understand the importance of seeking God and finding help for themselves. You can't help a friend or loved one if you don't seek guidance first. It can't be about you, but God knows your desires and He can redeem your story when you let Him use you for His Purpose. 

I am grateful for my marriage, for my sober husband, for healed relationships, and a chance to bring  the good news of Christ and the testimony of redemption God gave us through His son. 

For all the blessings and bonuses that have been springing up all around, I pray to stay surrendered. I pray for you reading this. If you are searching for any answers for you or someone else it begins with surrendering your heart to Christ. It's that simple and that enormous all in one. I pray you find surrender.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33 NIV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ

~Johnna 

Rocky

Tonight, a tragedy occurred. My daughter, on the autism spectrum, lost her pet rock. Sounds silly but it's anything but.

Kamryn has had this pet rock for 5 years. It has multiple layers of fingernail polish, another one of her passions. Her nail polish from Christmas, her nail polish from her birthday, her nail polish from her aunt have all contributed to the beauty of "rocky". 

The rock broke into 3 pieces. She frantically tried to piece it back together as she yelled "stay with me Rocky".  My husband had to leave the room as we are both trying to stifle laughter. It was kinda cute at this point. 

An elastic band holding the rock together , Kamryn declared, "Rocky is gone." I told her we could peace it back together. She said, " no, I have lost my best friend" 

She left  the room and I went to check on her a little while later. I found her outside with the shovel. I took the shovel from her at which point she collapsed into my arms sobbing. There was nothing funny about this situation left, at all. My little girl is heart broken. 

The other kids are frantically running around trying to find new rocks. My 7 year old finds one and runs in my room to find the nail polish. Kamryn won't have it. They continue to pick up token presents to give her, anything to console their sister. She is hysterical at this point.

Kamryn is still sobbing in random bursts. We are in the car as I write this. We have listened to her share why she loved Rocky. She can remember a lot when it comes to this rock, many moments in the last 5 years is detail. 

There really isn't a lesson on this post to share. I wanted to write it down to remember the evening I cried because my daughter cried ... over a rock. It's amazing how far Motherhood and the compassion that comes with it has taken me. This I didn't see coming, but I wouldn't trade our journey for the world. 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ 

~Johnna