From a Slave of people to a Servant of God

I have learned in recovery that character defects are usually our character assets that have become messed up. 

God gifted me with a servant's heart. This is a good thing in the ministry field. This is also an asset easily manipulated in a dysfunctional environment. Without healthy boundaries , this asset becomes a defect and makes me a slave to people. 

This slave mentality happens as a result of not accepting or knowing God's truth. He didn't prepare us to serve people, He prepared us to serve Him. When we accept that, then He can use us to help people. 

Attention is my love language. When someone takes the time to acknowledge I exist, I feel loved. When I feel love, I become a servant. That makes sense because that is how God gifted me to preform in a loving environment. 

The problem in the past has happened when I feel love in a dysfunctional environment or relationship. I get attention and so my gift of service kicks in. But because I have not had boundaries in the past, nor the ability to recognize unhealthy people and because I was unhealthy myself,  instead of serving the other person inside a loving relationship, I enabled them to whatever hurt, habit or hang up they struggle with.

 I have found myself trapped in a cycle that if I didn't enable the other person, they would walk away from me and take their attention with them. I would end up feeling unloved and unwanted. That's a dark place to be. I would continue to enable so I could continue to feel love.

Here is the pivotal element to my ability to recover from this issue.  I recognized my feelings were in the way of God's truth. You can read back and see how many times I used the word feel. 

The truth is, I don't have to feel loved, I am loved. Every second, of every minute, of every day before I was even created in my mother's womb, God loved me. 

Accepting this as truth has allowed me to reopen my servants heart and use it for the purpose God has for me. I am no longer a slave to other people. I love other people, but it is a healthy love now. It is the true love God has shown me that has allowed me to give true love to others.  I receive my love and affirmation from Him. The more I accept His love, the more I am able to serve and be fulfilled, rather than left empty and damaged by people that have failed me time and time again. 

The truth is, we are all messy sinners saved by grace. Therefore, we all fall short of meeting each other's needs. God didn't intend for us to fill each other's needs. He, alone, wants to meet all of our needs.  To try and do everything for another human being sets us up for failure. We will never succeed. He won't allow it. He wants to be our everything. 

I know many of you, like myself, struggle with relationships with other people that include family, friends, and acquaintances. I pray these words will open your heart to allow God, and not people to be your everything. I pray that you will no longer be a slave to people but a servant for Him. I pray you know true love.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna