An entire year of One Day at a Time

It's been at least a week of dread realizing this day was coming. Today, it's been one year since I lost my mother to suicide. 

Knowing I needed to sit down and ask God to give me something to share, and knowing it would be painful, I didn't want to face this day. The memories are still painful but a tiny more bearable. 

The thing about sharing our story, is that healing is brought when we allow God to recycle our pain. He uses even the bad spots for his glory. He gives us redemption, free and undeserved. He needs us to pass that a long so others know they can receive it as well. 

What can be redeeming about this situation? It hasn't been easy to find silver linings, but what I have done is think a million times over what I wish I could have said to my mom. It tormented me for the first six months after her death until God helped me turn the torment into testimony. It's that recycled pain that I can and do share  now with others.

What I wish I could have told her and what would I tell someone else struggling to survive ...

Suicide is an unnecessary decision. I know the pain is real, but Jesus already took that pain to the cross and died that death for you, all you have to do is accept that truth, stand on that truth and claim victory in that truth. 

It may take other believers, lots of prayer and a recovery program to overcome such an intense attack from the enemy, but the first and most important step is accepting the work done on the cross. 

"Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:4-5 ESV)

The thing I would like the survivors  to know, is Jesus loves you, he sees you, and he is with you. He was born, he lives, he died and he rose again, just for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. The pain is excruciating but you too can take your pain to the cross and he will heal you. 

I am praying for all who reads this, that you find the grace, mercy, hope and love that comes from our One True King

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

How Joseph Recovered

The story of Joseph is one of the most amazing story's of recovery and reunification to me. 

After being sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, Joseph later becomes exalted in all of the land Egypt, his importance to the people , second only to Pharaoh. 

After many years, Joseph's brothers travel to Egypt during famine for help. Approaching him, they begged for relief, not realizing at the time he was their own brother. Joseph takes care of them and their families. 

The brothers made amends out of fear after their father dies but Joseph knows that God's hand has been in his life and used every bit of his trials for good. This is what he tells his brothers... 

"But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. "(Genesis 50:19-21 ESV)

Sometimes, we find ourselves in unfair circumstances. People intentionally hurt us for various reasons. Sometimes these offenses causes disturbances in many relationships. Joseph didn't see his father for many years and his father thought him dead, as a result of his brothers actions. 

Forgiveness and healing come when we are able to turn our circumstances over to God. When we put our faith in him and not in people, then we can work out our relationships, even the most difficult ones. 

I have to admit, there are still relationships in my own life that have not found healing, three years into recovery. There are also many relationships that have been made new and they are beautiful. 

Today, I pray for you to learn from Joseph and the example he set. I pray for you to trust that God can use you exactly where you are, regardless how you got there, and he can make it better. God can and will restore your life, let him! 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,

Johnna 

A Day Full of Details

I have been working in the area of perception and truth. It's the way things look to me verses how things really are. I have been attempting to fast from negative thinking. In order to expect a positive life, I have to practice a positive life.

The work of recovery has shown itself several times this week. One notable event, the flat tire our family had Friday night. After a somewhat stressful week, this could have sent me into a fuss. It didn't. I was patient and calm with myself, my husband and my children. I was grateful this didn't happen the day before when the added expense of a new tire would have driven me to tears. I was grateful we stayed warm and I  was grateful for the opportunity to take our kids out to eat afterwards. 

We had missed our weekly recovery meeting with our Celebrate Recovery family and the new tire was quite expensive. Those details weren't so overwhelming because of my ability to focus on ALL of the details. There wasn't just negative moments, there were moments all combined into one experience. Seeing all of the details made the negative portions bearable. I was able to maintain peace and serenity. 

It was really really cold this morning when I took my kids to school. As I pulled back into my drive, I saw a beautiful sunrise. I stopped and took a picture. How great is our God! I love His details. I am grateful I get to enjoy them.

My new prayer and outlook is to pray for a day full of details. It's in all of the details that the entire picture of each beautiful day can be presented to us in all it's fullness. Each day is a day to rejoice, to be glad in it. The rest are just details. 

Praying for you to enjoy the details as they come, even the details sent to grow you and teach you.  That at the end of each day, you see the full picture and God's glory in it! 

one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:6 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

We came to believe in a Higher Power

Several years ago, after they had sought help from a treatment center,  a family member approached me with the fact they weren't sure they believed in the God we had been given. 

I freaked out and started to walk away. Of all the chaos and instability in my life over the years, one thing that remained the same for me was God. God was my steady. I wasn't willing to revisit who He was, I just knew I needed him. 

The religion I had always known was one of teaching and discipline . I was taught to do it Gods way if I wanted to be okay. The problem didn't go wrong in doing it God's way, the problem came about because I believed other people's interpretation of God's way. I believed who they told me God was and what he wanted from me. 

My family member didn't allow me to walk away. Rather they stood stubborn and challenged me to take God out of the box. They told me to clear my mind of everything I had ever came to understand, to sit down and spend time with God and in his word and to seek Him. 

I took this to another person of accountability who told me that was exactly what we should all do. We should sit down and seek understanding of who God is, what does he look like, smell like, taste like, feel like. To develop a relationship with God will allow us to get to know him, free from biased opinions of others. While it is great to discuss God with others and learn from others, God doesn't want us to believe what is just handed to us by them. He wants us to know him, intimately and personally.

As I looked at the beautiful sunrise this morning, I lost my breath. I could feel God's beauty, grace and sovereignty wrapped around me.  As I sit down for my morning devotional on understanding God, I immediately thought back to the time when I truly came to know him. What a beautiful time that was and how great it is to have an understanding of my own that reminds me every day, how loved I am. God loves each of us so much. There is a quote from C.S. Lewis that perfectly describes that love... 

"He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less. C. S. Lewis"

So, my challenge to you. Sit down in God's word and in his world. Be still and know Him, not because some one else told you, but because in your heart he has taken up residence  and for some of you he is looking to move in. Know your creator, one on one. I am praying you find him there, in the still. 

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

From a Slave of people to a Servant of God

I have learned in recovery that character defects are usually our character assets that have become messed up. 

God gifted me with a servant's heart. This is a good thing in the ministry field. This is also an asset easily manipulated in a dysfunctional environment. Without healthy boundaries , this asset becomes a defect and makes me a slave to people. 

This slave mentality happens as a result of not accepting or knowing God's truth. He didn't prepare us to serve people, He prepared us to serve Him. When we accept that, then He can use us to help people. 

Attention is my love language. When someone takes the time to acknowledge I exist, I feel loved. When I feel love, I become a servant. That makes sense because that is how God gifted me to preform in a loving environment. 

The problem in the past has happened when I feel love in a dysfunctional environment or relationship. I get attention and so my gift of service kicks in. But because I have not had boundaries in the past, nor the ability to recognize unhealthy people and because I was unhealthy myself,  instead of serving the other person inside a loving relationship, I enabled them to whatever hurt, habit or hang up they struggle with.

 I have found myself trapped in a cycle that if I didn't enable the other person, they would walk away from me and take their attention with them. I would end up feeling unloved and unwanted. That's a dark place to be. I would continue to enable so I could continue to feel love.

Here is the pivotal element to my ability to recover from this issue.  I recognized my feelings were in the way of God's truth. You can read back and see how many times I used the word feel. 

The truth is, I don't have to feel loved, I am loved. Every second, of every minute, of every day before I was even created in my mother's womb, God loved me. 

Accepting this as truth has allowed me to reopen my servants heart and use it for the purpose God has for me. I am no longer a slave to other people. I love other people, but it is a healthy love now. It is the true love God has shown me that has allowed me to give true love to others.  I receive my love and affirmation from Him. The more I accept His love, the more I am able to serve and be fulfilled, rather than left empty and damaged by people that have failed me time and time again. 

The truth is, we are all messy sinners saved by grace. Therefore, we all fall short of meeting each other's needs. God didn't intend for us to fill each other's needs. He, alone, wants to meet all of our needs.  To try and do everything for another human being sets us up for failure. We will never succeed. He won't allow it. He wants to be our everything. 

I know many of you, like myself, struggle with relationships with other people that include family, friends, and acquaintances. I pray these words will open your heart to allow God, and not people to be your everything. I pray that you will no longer be a slave to people but a servant for Him. I pray you know true love.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

Surrendering Pain

I was truly convicted this last week to turn my pain over to God. Even though God has been working in me through recovery ministry, I didn't know pain was an issue. I knew there had been tremendous moments of pain through out my life but I had buried with denial the truth that I was not dealing with the pain appropriately. I thought I was strong but I have realized my weakness. 

In my recovery bible, I looked up "pain" and it brought me to the Book of Job. What was a single verse led  me to read most of the book through again. It was different this time through, despite many times through before, I could relate to Job. I could literally feel the bitterness, the questions, the anger, the attempts at justification and the frustration with his friends that just didn't understand.  

Right before the epilogue of Job, came a pivotal verse for me. 

I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; (Job 42:5 ESV)

I have heard of God since I was a young girl. I have worked on getting to know God for the last two years. It has been through confronting my pain, I can see God more clearly at work in my life. 

Working as well on our joint testimony, my husband and talk about the extremes. He lost his birth mother when she was murdered. I lost my mother to suicide. And well, I could go on and on and on with extreme moments that were very painful in our lives. It's not the just specific moments, it's the reason for them.

 

What this week has brought me to is the understanding that God was not punishing me, he was preparing me. Like Job, I felt (feel) like I have done most of what I am supposed to do. I followed the rules the best I knew how. I have a huge list of justifications for the pity parties I am capable of throwing for myself over the things that have happened in my life. Now I can accept, it doesn't matter what I want to justify as my right to be offended, hurt, mad, and angry. It matters that God has a plan and he won't waste the pain and injuries in my life. There is a work in front of me. With the ability to see more of God, I am seeing with more clarity his calling on my life. 

I am able to work through the pain just as one would with any other issue in recovery. One day at a time, surrender, and most important, faith in my higher power, God. 

So I share in this post, my ultimate surrender of pain. I share not just for myself though. I share for those still hurting, full of legitimate heart wrenching pain and no answer as to how to make it stop. I am praying for you to be able lay that pain down at the foot of the cross. I am praying you don't just think about the God you have heard of, but that you may come to know and SEE Him. 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

The Place To Be

Six months ago, a situation arose and I felt led to make a huge decision. It was a decision that involved taking action. 

Lots of prayers leading each baby step resulted in something that was so much bigger than myself. It was something that happened out of my obedience to answer a calling. 

As the dynamics of the situation changed recently, I panicked as I began wondering what I should do next. How was I to move forward, what decisions to make next and would it all work out? 

You see, I didn't go in to this situation prepared for what would happen but what has happened prepared me for so much more. 

I have had to step back and realize, God will take us to circumstances that require us to constantly seek him so that we learn to constantly seek him. 

I don't have to think about what I need to do going forward, I only have to prayerfully seek the right next move and God will advance me. He will move me past myself and into his purpose and his will. It's a good place to be, the best place to be.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

~Johnna 

Pretty Masks

So I admit, I watch others to learn from others. I have done this from a very young age. 

I have always known my life wasn't the average mom-dad-two kids-one dog-brick home with white picket fence kind of life. As I got older, I realized, how much my life was far from that picture I had developed of "normal". Then I got older and wondered was that a normal that even existed? Then I realized, even in a family that fit that description, it was just a pretty mask. The reality, life is messy, chaotic and up and down! A pretty mask to hide behind doesn't change that. 

Back to learning from people and the expectations I have had to let go of. What we see is not reality, it's a perception. Reality requires a view of the whole picture and often we are limited to the glasses we have looked through our whole lives. I have worked through a recovery program that has enlightened my peripheral vision. I still don't have the complete picture and it's very likely, that won't happen soon.

I have sifted through many disappointments, let downs, and failures. I have had to work through trust issues and anger issues and the whole vomiting-emotions-on-everyone-that-is-in-my-path-when-I-can-no-longer-deal-with-feelings thing that I do. 

What's the point of this blog, learning truth. It doesn't come from watching people, it comes from God's word. In the bible I have found my comfort. The answers I search for on how to navigate life are all there. An example that I hold dearest is to seek God in all that I do and He will make my path straight. 

I don't have to follow the pretty masks! I don't have to struggle to be right. I don't have to blindly navigate this world and end up hurt and defeated. I can seek God. He is the great navigator, planner, protector, and provider. When things don't go right, it's usually that they aren't wrong, but that I set up expectations and therefore defeated myself. 

Truth sets us free. As I fall short of my own expectations again and again, I am reminded, the only thing I  should expect is that I will need to hand my life over to God every day. When I feel that I have let God down, I just have to remember I can't let God down, I am not holding him up. The truth is, God is holding me up and He will never let me down. 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

Resolution of Intentional Decisions

Goals, resolutions, the resounding themes for the day. A new year, another chance to surrender, another opportunity to grow and change.

Really, we have those options at any moment on any given day. We can choose to surrender to Christ and become new. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV)

Today seems to be the day that we are to be intentional with our goals. I think that should happen every day though. With that thought, my resolution is one I have had in my heart for awhile. I want to work on making intentional decisions.

 I don't want life to happen to me. I want to seek God's will, discover my calling, and take that leap of faith to live the life I have been designed for. Two years ago my resolution was recovery, last year was growth, this year it comes together. It's time accept the old is gone and I have been made new. Even though I already knew that, I want to live like that, intentionally. 

A Grateful Believer In Jesus Christ 

~Johnna 

Standing Our Ground

I have kept my blinders on very tightly and on purpose regarding the people and reaction surrounding Veronica's case. After being torn apart as a person by people associated with the couples PR campaign, I returned to the situation with one focus and one purpose, advocating for Veronica.  

With litigation over, I am finally looking around the last week with blinders off and I am amazed at the people, the supporters, the pages, the change being affected by our Little Star. 

As an adoptee with a journey eerily similar to Veronica's, I know too well the heartache she will endure in the future. The abandonment by her natural family she will hear about and once she learns the truth, the betrayal she will feel towards her adoptive family. It is a no win situation for her unless all the adults admit their part and their mistakes  and work together to raise her equally. I am afraid the last part of that statement is going to be the greatest challenge. The parties involved have so much hurt that will surely lead to resentment. It will likely require intervention like therapy or a recovery program. I pray for them all to find a way to do right by Veronica. 

As far as the supporters, I am grateful to see so many working to reform adoption and to strengthen ICWA. The suggestion of a Universal Child Welfare Act is a genius idea. Our children have rights and we need to recognize them. We also need to recognize the reality of what is going on in the adoption industry. 

In order for an adoption to occur, a separation of a child from their family has to happen first. This is comparable to an organ transplant. A life can be saved but a life has to be lost. If your child needs a new heart, you can pray they recieve a new heart and be humbly grateful if it happens but is it okay to go around asking for someone else's  child to die? Do you wish another family pain? Of course not, that would be absurd! 

So, why are people soliciting adoption? Why hope to break up a family to create one? If a child needs a home, then you can be humbly grateful to provide one. But just as we don't go killing others to grab their organs, we shouldn't destroy families to transplant these children. It is tragic. 

So to all these people, all these pages, I hope you are able to help open the hearts of our society and break into an industry that seems to operate without compassion. The purpose of adoption seems to be lost. It's time to find our footing, stand our ground and restore our families. 

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children--Psalm 103:17

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

How does your garden grow?

Planting

Planting good seeds is something often talked about. It's the works and words and impressions we leave on others that have an opportunity to grow something good in them.

What about the other seeds we plant? I have realized that intentional or not, we do plant bad seeds. I did this yesterday, several times. It was a rough day and words came out of my mouth that I had to apologize for. I have learned that I can't plant bad seeds and when I do, I have to pick them back up! That means making amends and that isn't always easy. 

There is one more lesson, the bad seeds planted into us by others. We can't go around trying to force other people to make amends when they have dropped something bad in our life.  This means we have to clean up that up ourselves. We can recognize the bad we need to clean out. It's usually grown into anger, resentments, bitterness, criticism and all that yucky stuff. When we recognize the root of those things in us, it's easier to pluck out. We don't do this for those that did or said harmful things but for us. It is called forgiveness and it's so our lives are a flowerbed of good things that can grow. 

Have you taken the time to look at what you might be planting in others, Have you taken the time to be mindful and cleanup what is planted in you? 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ

~Johnna 

Fully Awake

Often, when we are having a bad dream, a nightmare, we suddenly wake up. There is a shaky, panicky feeling followed by relief. It's relief knowing we are okay, all is well and we can catch a deep breath. 

Is heaven like this? Do we reach that place and become fully awake? Do we see that the nightmare of this sinful world is passed us? Do we feel relief as our feet are firmly planted on the streets of gold? Do we catch our breath as we approach our creators throne? Does the sadness drift away? Does the panic subside as we realize we have made it home and everything is finally and really and completely okay? 

It's been two weeks today since I lost my mother. I pray she is fully awake and at peace. 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ

~Johnna 

A Higher Standard

A Higher Standard 

So often, we look to other people to determine who we are and who we want to be. We take in other people's opinions, beliefs, and behaviors in an attempt to "fit in".  This is especially so for those in recovery searching for a new normal. This is very alarming and it won't work. 

It's like pianos.  You can't take two  pianos and attempt to tune them to one another. You will then have two pianos out of tune. A person must come in and use a tuning fork: a standard if you will and tune each piano. Then, the pianos will play in harmony. 

So it is with people. We can't fully rely on another person to be okay. Our faith has to be in God. He is our higher standard in which we can all be tuned. When we allow ourselves to be tuned into Him rather than conform to this world, life becomes a symphony. 

 

The tuning forks for this are bible, prayer, fasting, worship, and church. 

What are you allowing to set the tone of your life? People or a higher standard? 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

~Johnna

Feeding Marriage....

 "So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."  Matthew 19:6

When I entered the Celebrate Recovery program 2 years ago, I was told after I worked the 12 steps on myself, I would have to work them on my marriage as well. To be honest, I had already given up on my marriage at that point and working anything on it just didn't make sense. I had tried for 15 years, I was out of options, or so I thought.

After working the steps on ourselves, a reconciliation happened and my husband moved back home and we were ready. What we didn't realize was how we were really starting from scratch. On our knees in prayer, we gave it all back to God and He sure began to work.

Here is the part I would like to say that everything is perfect and all better today. I have learned it will never be perfect and all better. Marriage is a process. It is not just a process to make us happy, but to make us holy. It forms and molds us into better people. IF we feed our marriage with intention and purpose, it will grow and thrive as the most important relationship we can have with another person.


 I know as a parent, I wasn't absolutely sure what to do with a baby or how being a mom should look. I knew a baby needed fed so I asked the nurses and doctors and other moms. I knew a baby needed check ups so again, I sought guidance from others, I read parenting books to make sure my kids were functioning and thriving as expected. If I had just guessed, I would risk starving my child, harming my child, I wouldn't be  a good mom. This is exactly what we had done wrong in our marriage. We didn't seek advice and instruction and had literally starved it.

I see now, how my marriage requires the same care and concern. If I want to be a good wife, I had to seek guidance from other wives. I had to read books, particularly the bible. I had to pray and I had to be willing to grow. Just as I am determined to succeed as a mom in raising my children, I had to be dedicated to my marriage. Anything less that submission and obedience to instruction and wisdom and I my marriage wouldn't make it. My identity as a wife was on the line and it was my own fault for not thriving in that area.

Once I was able to accept my part and as my husband accepted his, we were able to start feeding into our union. Our relationship began to grow. A ministry leader recently pointed out that just as children have growing pains, we have growing pains in our recovery. This is the very truth and there have been  growing pains in my marriage. At the end of the day, our marriage has grown. It has grown more than I ever thought possible.

I am grateful that God loved me too much to leave me where I was at a couple years ago. I am grateful for progress and growth. I am grateful for the transfusion of grace and mercy into our marriage by the saving sacrifice of Christ. I wanted to share, for those that may be facing starving marriages. Start feeding into that precious covenant. Start by getting on your knees, and asking God to take over. He will provide the way, if you can manage to submit to His will. What once was starving can began to bear fruit again. For those needing more guidance, you can find a local Celebrate Recovery group near you.
www.celebraterecovery.com

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,
 ~Johnna

Deeper Waters..

We took our 6 children to the lake this weekend. This is something we do every summer but it was the first time back in the water this year. For the smaller children, this meant finding their confidence again. They were excited to jump in, they were just a little concerned about going out to far.

I was holding on to my 6 year old who actually loves the water. I was loosely holding on to her as she was swimming pretty well. She realized I wasn’t holding on completely and she panicked and started going under. I grabbed her right up and she was fine. The next time, she was making sure I had a hold of her.

I smiled as I watched this scenario happen several more times with the children as they became acclimated to the water. It reminded me of how I am when I lose focus in life. I find confidence in my faith and I am able to move forward with whatever obstacles are ahead of me. When life starts getting busier and I allow it to drown out my time spent on my relationship with God, I find myself starting to go under.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”~ Isaiah 41:10

Our heavenly father holds us up to. He is there ready to catch us and help us from going under. Sometimes we lack confidence because we can’t feel him. Sometimes we just need reassurance that he is holding on to us.

Like my children had faith in me to keep my hand on them, I too can have faith that God has his hand on me. I can swim out further and deeper and find joy in unknown waters.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,
Johnna

Fight, not flight

Several times in several days, I have faced unwarranted meanness. I have witnessed a single mom be told to go beg somewhere else for diapers for her little one. I received a horrible hate filled email after my account was hacked and sent out spam. I was told during fundraising for a nonprofit that the homeless deserve what they get. I have cried many tears and then I have gotten mad.

I have a fight response to meanness. I have an ability to turn really mean back and often times I can be even meaner than the other person. In the past I have justified my retaliation.

In recovery, I have learned to retaliate less but I'm still being convicted on my reaction. I am reminded of Joseph in the bible and how his brothers sold him into slavery. As a result and several years later, Joseph becomes the second most important person next to the Pharaoh and his brothers are led to repent. They are terrified of what Joseph's reaction might be. He tells them..

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. (Genesis 50:20 ESV)

He forgives his brothers and gives the glory of the outcome to God who took their mean actions and used them to benefit Joseph and help many others.

I may not ever know what it is to not react to meanness. I may always have that "fight" response. God can still use me. I will choose to let that "fight" feeling ignite a passion to help others for good, knowing that meanness loses. It doesn't lose because meanness is stopped. Meanness loses when it is outdone, outnumbered, and conquered by love, faith, and hope. Meanness loses when grace and mercy over take, and grace and mercy will overtake.

I won't let my fight become flight, but I will let my fight become good and worthy, and for His glory and not mine.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,
Johnna

To my children, what I want for mother's day

To My Children, What I want for Mother's day,

I want you to carry love in your hearts always… real love, true love, love for God. The kind of love that allows you to give love and receive love.

I want you to know with confidence that you are beautiful without anyone having to tell you that you are.

I want you to hear the wisdom that guides you. The wisdom of those that have gone ahead, and the wisdom that whispers to your soul.

I want you to feel life. The breath that has awakened your spirit to encompass this beautiful journey.

I want you to see beauty, real beauty. The twinkle of a billion stars found in the eyes of a beautiful person. The rustling wind found in the gasp of a newborn baby’s breath.

I want you to taste the success of the  impossible  being made deliciously possible through Jesus Christ.

I want you to understand how blessed I am for being able to hold a baby, comfort a child, discipline a teenager, invest in a future, and pray over another person like I have done for you.

Somewhere in the scheme of things, God’s grace and mercy was sufficient enough to pick me to be your mom/guardian/teacher/minister/family.  I could have never on my own qualified to be that person for you. What I want the most for Mother’s day, is for you to know there is no greater gift on this earth I could receive. I want you to know your worth and that you ARE the perfect gift from God and I am eternally grateful for you.


For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him: 1 Samuel 1:27


With All My Love,
Mom

On my Knees...

When I first found myself in a recovery support program called Alanon, I had an amazing sponsor. She would lead me through steps and guide me through exercises that would be helpful to me. I was listening, to most of it. I wasn’t seeing much change. I would be okay for a minute and then would go right back to that pattern of insanity, trying to fix everything on my own willpower.

One day, I was frustrated and called her complaining. Nothing seemed to be working and I was ready to hide in a closet. She asked me, “Are you praying on your knees like I told you to?”  The answer was, ‘I am praying, exhausted and worn out, layed out on my bed”. That was not the answer she was looking for. I wasn’t praying submitted to God, I was praying submitted to my body that was completely finished with the day and ready for sleep.

In reflecting on this time in my life, I realize  I had been saying my prayers so I could go to sleep. For many years in fact, that was the routine. Get ready for bed, and then say my prayers so I could go to sleep. Oh what I have learned in the last couple years. Starting with, prayers aren’t just so we can go to sleep. In fact, that isn’t what they are for at all.

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19 KJV

This is what prayer, on our knees is for and what it does for us. I would encourage you to learn, pray and meditate over this scripture. Then practice it!

Something amazing began to happen as I became intentional about praying on my knees every morning and every night. I started with praying for the new day and God to guide my thoughts and actions and end every day, thanking God for helping me make it through. Very quickly, I found myself on my knees by my bed more than just every morning and every night. I would get frustrated with my husband or my kids and I would go tell God about it. “Lord, what is with THEM”. I would get back up, and something would be changed, but it wasn’t THEM, it was me!! I felt like a new person facing a new day, every time!!! All of a sudden, my frustrations and worries and overwhelming responsibilities began to shrink. I had learned to effectively hand everything, including myself, over to God. When I did this, He was then able to work in me.

The first 3 steps of any 12 step program can be summarized liked this;

Step 1. I can’t
Step 2. God Can
Step 3. I will let Him

I hope by sharing some experience, strength, and hope that I have been able to help you like my sponsor helped me. I pray for you to find the strength to get on your knees, submit it all to God and let Him begin to do that wonderous work in you that only HE can do!!!

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,
Johnna

LeaveFingerprintsMinistry.com

I am excited to announce our website is up and running! You can visit it at http://www.leavefingerprintsministry.com/ So super excited to have everything together in once place and links to all of our networks. Thank you to everyone that has followed and subscribed and liked us on facebook! Can't wait to see what the next step will be!

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,
Johnna

The keys to obedience

A story was passed on to me recently. The summary of the story was that when God requires something to be done, even the devil must obey Him.

This was a very strong statement and one that has really made me think. In the story of Job, when satan is taking possessions and family from Job and testing his faith, God lays it out. He determines to what degree Job can be tested and requires that Job’s life not be taken. Satan obeys God and only does what he is allowed to do.

At this point I began to question exactly why God allows what He does and it was in this moment that I remembered, God put us here for His glory. He, like those of us that choose to be parents, chose to create us. He wants to love us and finds joy in watching us grow. This growth isn’t just physical, God delights in watching our spiritual growth. He wants us to grow towards him so we can return home someday.

Then why, one might ask, would God allow his children to be tested? Since the fall of man, that was a choice we have made, in our own disobedience. God has tried to tell us all along what was best, but we haven’t listened. When God’s chosen people had judges, while the other lands had kings, people threw a fit. They wanted kings too. This wasn’t best but God allowed it. We want free will and then we want to ask God why it didn’t work out.

I imagine this is similar to a parent giving their child the keys to the car. We don’t want our kids to break the law, we sure wouldn’t want them doing something so dangerous as drinking and driving, but we really do have to let them drive. We do want them to be happy and we want them to grow so we set rules, pray they followed them, and hand over the keys. God, our father, operates the same way. He hands us the keys with a set of rules and then hopes that we follow them so we can safely grow and be happy.

These are random thoughts that were jumbling up until I felt the need to write them down. Seriously though, do you understand the responsibility you have been given? God has trusted us with precious keys and He wants us to make it home safely. Are you following the rules or are you setting yourself up for temptation and harm? Obedience in this world brings comfort for now, but one day, it will determine if we make it home.

A grateful believer in Jesus Christ
Johnna