A Day Full of Details

I have been working in the area of perception and truth. It's the way things look to me verses how things really are. I have been attempting to fast from negative thinking. In order to expect a positive life, I have to practice a positive life.

The work of recovery has shown itself several times this week. One notable event, the flat tire our family had Friday night. After a somewhat stressful week, this could have sent me into a fuss. It didn't. I was patient and calm with myself, my husband and my children. I was grateful this didn't happen the day before when the added expense of a new tire would have driven me to tears. I was grateful we stayed warm and I  was grateful for the opportunity to take our kids out to eat afterwards. 

We had missed our weekly recovery meeting with our Celebrate Recovery family and the new tire was quite expensive. Those details weren't so overwhelming because of my ability to focus on ALL of the details. There wasn't just negative moments, there were moments all combined into one experience. Seeing all of the details made the negative portions bearable. I was able to maintain peace and serenity. 

It was really really cold this morning when I took my kids to school. As I pulled back into my drive, I saw a beautiful sunrise. I stopped and took a picture. How great is our God! I love His details. I am grateful I get to enjoy them.

My new prayer and outlook is to pray for a day full of details. It's in all of the details that the entire picture of each beautiful day can be presented to us in all it's fullness. Each day is a day to rejoice, to be glad in it. The rest are just details. 

Praying for you to enjoy the details as they come, even the details sent to grow you and teach you.  That at the end of each day, you see the full picture and God's glory in it! 

one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:6 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

We came to believe in a Higher Power

Several years ago, after they had sought help from a treatment center,  a family member approached me with the fact they weren't sure they believed in the God we had been given. 

I freaked out and started to walk away. Of all the chaos and instability in my life over the years, one thing that remained the same for me was God. God was my steady. I wasn't willing to revisit who He was, I just knew I needed him. 

The religion I had always known was one of teaching and discipline . I was taught to do it Gods way if I wanted to be okay. The problem didn't go wrong in doing it God's way, the problem came about because I believed other people's interpretation of God's way. I believed who they told me God was and what he wanted from me. 

My family member didn't allow me to walk away. Rather they stood stubborn and challenged me to take God out of the box. They told me to clear my mind of everything I had ever came to understand, to sit down and spend time with God and in his word and to seek Him. 

I took this to another person of accountability who told me that was exactly what we should all do. We should sit down and seek understanding of who God is, what does he look like, smell like, taste like, feel like. To develop a relationship with God will allow us to get to know him, free from biased opinions of others. While it is great to discuss God with others and learn from others, God doesn't want us to believe what is just handed to us by them. He wants us to know him, intimately and personally.

As I looked at the beautiful sunrise this morning, I lost my breath. I could feel God's beauty, grace and sovereignty wrapped around me.  As I sit down for my morning devotional on understanding God, I immediately thought back to the time when I truly came to know him. What a beautiful time that was and how great it is to have an understanding of my own that reminds me every day, how loved I am. God loves each of us so much. There is a quote from C.S. Lewis that perfectly describes that love... 

"He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less. C. S. Lewis"

So, my challenge to you. Sit down in God's word and in his world. Be still and know Him, not because some one else told you, but because in your heart he has taken up residence  and for some of you he is looking to move in. Know your creator, one on one. I am praying you find him there, in the still. 

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

From a Slave of people to a Servant of God

I have learned in recovery that character defects are usually our character assets that have become messed up. 

God gifted me with a servant's heart. This is a good thing in the ministry field. This is also an asset easily manipulated in a dysfunctional environment. Without healthy boundaries , this asset becomes a defect and makes me a slave to people. 

This slave mentality happens as a result of not accepting or knowing God's truth. He didn't prepare us to serve people, He prepared us to serve Him. When we accept that, then He can use us to help people. 

Attention is my love language. When someone takes the time to acknowledge I exist, I feel loved. When I feel love, I become a servant. That makes sense because that is how God gifted me to preform in a loving environment. 

The problem in the past has happened when I feel love in a dysfunctional environment or relationship. I get attention and so my gift of service kicks in. But because I have not had boundaries in the past, nor the ability to recognize unhealthy people and because I was unhealthy myself,  instead of serving the other person inside a loving relationship, I enabled them to whatever hurt, habit or hang up they struggle with.

 I have found myself trapped in a cycle that if I didn't enable the other person, they would walk away from me and take their attention with them. I would end up feeling unloved and unwanted. That's a dark place to be. I would continue to enable so I could continue to feel love.

Here is the pivotal element to my ability to recover from this issue.  I recognized my feelings were in the way of God's truth. You can read back and see how many times I used the word feel. 

The truth is, I don't have to feel loved, I am loved. Every second, of every minute, of every day before I was even created in my mother's womb, God loved me. 

Accepting this as truth has allowed me to reopen my servants heart and use it for the purpose God has for me. I am no longer a slave to other people. I love other people, but it is a healthy love now. It is the true love God has shown me that has allowed me to give true love to others.  I receive my love and affirmation from Him. The more I accept His love, the more I am able to serve and be fulfilled, rather than left empty and damaged by people that have failed me time and time again. 

The truth is, we are all messy sinners saved by grace. Therefore, we all fall short of meeting each other's needs. God didn't intend for us to fill each other's needs. He, alone, wants to meet all of our needs.  To try and do everything for another human being sets us up for failure. We will never succeed. He won't allow it. He wants to be our everything. 

I know many of you, like myself, struggle with relationships with other people that include family, friends, and acquaintances. I pray these words will open your heart to allow God, and not people to be your everything. I pray that you will no longer be a slave to people but a servant for Him. I pray you know true love.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

Surrendering Pain

I was truly convicted this last week to turn my pain over to God. Even though God has been working in me through recovery ministry, I didn't know pain was an issue. I knew there had been tremendous moments of pain through out my life but I had buried with denial the truth that I was not dealing with the pain appropriately. I thought I was strong but I have realized my weakness. 

In my recovery bible, I looked up "pain" and it brought me to the Book of Job. What was a single verse led  me to read most of the book through again. It was different this time through, despite many times through before, I could relate to Job. I could literally feel the bitterness, the questions, the anger, the attempts at justification and the frustration with his friends that just didn't understand.  

Right before the epilogue of Job, came a pivotal verse for me. 

I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; (Job 42:5 ESV)

I have heard of God since I was a young girl. I have worked on getting to know God for the last two years. It has been through confronting my pain, I can see God more clearly at work in my life. 

Working as well on our joint testimony, my husband and talk about the extremes. He lost his birth mother when she was murdered. I lost my mother to suicide. And well, I could go on and on and on with extreme moments that were very painful in our lives. It's not the just specific moments, it's the reason for them.

 

What this week has brought me to is the understanding that God was not punishing me, he was preparing me. Like Job, I felt (feel) like I have done most of what I am supposed to do. I followed the rules the best I knew how. I have a huge list of justifications for the pity parties I am capable of throwing for myself over the things that have happened in my life. Now I can accept, it doesn't matter what I want to justify as my right to be offended, hurt, mad, and angry. It matters that God has a plan and he won't waste the pain and injuries in my life. There is a work in front of me. With the ability to see more of God, I am seeing with more clarity his calling on my life. 

I am able to work through the pain just as one would with any other issue in recovery. One day at a time, surrender, and most important, faith in my higher power, God. 

So I share in this post, my ultimate surrender of pain. I share not just for myself though. I share for those still hurting, full of legitimate heart wrenching pain and no answer as to how to make it stop. I am praying for you to be able lay that pain down at the foot of the cross. I am praying you don't just think about the God you have heard of, but that you may come to know and SEE Him. 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

Johnna 

The Place To Be

Six months ago, a situation arose and I felt led to make a huge decision. It was a decision that involved taking action. 

Lots of prayers leading each baby step resulted in something that was so much bigger than myself. It was something that happened out of my obedience to answer a calling. 

As the dynamics of the situation changed recently, I panicked as I began wondering what I should do next. How was I to move forward, what decisions to make next and would it all work out? 

You see, I didn't go in to this situation prepared for what would happen but what has happened prepared me for so much more. 

I have had to step back and realize, God will take us to circumstances that require us to constantly seek him so that we learn to constantly seek him. 

I don't have to think about what I need to do going forward, I only have to prayerfully seek the right next move and God will advance me. He will move me past myself and into his purpose and his will. It's a good place to be, the best place to be.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

~Johnna 

A Higher Standard

A Higher Standard 

So often, we look to other people to determine who we are and who we want to be. We take in other people's opinions, beliefs, and behaviors in an attempt to "fit in".  This is especially so for those in recovery searching for a new normal. This is very alarming and it won't work. 

It's like pianos.  You can't take two  pianos and attempt to tune them to one another. You will then have two pianos out of tune. A person must come in and use a tuning fork: a standard if you will and tune each piano. Then, the pianos will play in harmony. 

So it is with people. We can't fully rely on another person to be okay. Our faith has to be in God. He is our higher standard in which we can all be tuned. When we allow ourselves to be tuned into Him rather than conform to this world, life becomes a symphony. 

 

The tuning forks for this are bible, prayer, fasting, worship, and church. 

What are you allowing to set the tone of your life? People or a higher standard? 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ, 

~Johnna

The keys to obedience

A story was passed on to me recently. The summary of the story was that when God requires something to be done, even the devil must obey Him.

This was a very strong statement and one that has really made me think. In the story of Job, when satan is taking possessions and family from Job and testing his faith, God lays it out. He determines to what degree Job can be tested and requires that Job’s life not be taken. Satan obeys God and only does what he is allowed to do.

At this point I began to question exactly why God allows what He does and it was in this moment that I remembered, God put us here for His glory. He, like those of us that choose to be parents, chose to create us. He wants to love us and finds joy in watching us grow. This growth isn’t just physical, God delights in watching our spiritual growth. He wants us to grow towards him so we can return home someday.

Then why, one might ask, would God allow his children to be tested? Since the fall of man, that was a choice we have made, in our own disobedience. God has tried to tell us all along what was best, but we haven’t listened. When God’s chosen people had judges, while the other lands had kings, people threw a fit. They wanted kings too. This wasn’t best but God allowed it. We want free will and then we want to ask God why it didn’t work out.

I imagine this is similar to a parent giving their child the keys to the car. We don’t want our kids to break the law, we sure wouldn’t want them doing something so dangerous as drinking and driving, but we really do have to let them drive. We do want them to be happy and we want them to grow so we set rules, pray they followed them, and hand over the keys. God, our father, operates the same way. He hands us the keys with a set of rules and then hopes that we follow them so we can safely grow and be happy.

These are random thoughts that were jumbling up until I felt the need to write them down. Seriously though, do you understand the responsibility you have been given? God has trusted us with precious keys and He wants us to make it home safely. Are you following the rules or are you setting yourself up for temptation and harm? Obedience in this world brings comfort for now, but one day, it will determine if we make it home.

A grateful believer in Jesus Christ
Johnna

Blessings and testings...

I have to say, for having a large family to provide for, we are blessed to live fairly comfortable. By comfortable, I mean our bills are paid and we don't have to worry about our needs if we are responsible with our money. I have to admit, I am not always the most responsible.

With Easter coming up and so many extra's to purchase, I was getting a little concerned this week. I prayed a lot, knowing God always provides. This morning I woke up financially worried. I had to turn it over to God several times . Outside was the most beautiful sunrise and I was in awe of how amazing God is, I knew all would be okay.

As I walked in my front door, my phone went off. It was my husband telling me a bonus check had come in. He normally gets these every couple months but this one was unexpected and a complete surprise. I knew and he knew it was an answered prayer.

About an hour later, I was wandering around a thrift store. It's one of my favorite things to do. I found a wallet that had tons of pockets in it. My wallet doesn't ever seem to have enough slots for all the cards and stuff I need it to hold. I was trying to decide if I wanted to buy this wallet and was looking through it when I came across money. The Lord had certainly blessed me this morning, now He was letting me be tested.

I have been through enough in my life that I know how serious it is for me to be obedient to what I believe to be right. I knew it was right to turn this money in. I sent my husband a message and of course he responded with a gentle encouragement that the right thing was to turn the money in and then told me I should buy the wallet for myself. So that is what I did.

As I was back in my vehicle I began to question, why do I have to always be so obedient? I wish I could not be obedient sometimes but my naughtiness is normally limited to sneaking to get ice cream while my kids are in school (and while I am on a diet).

 "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success." Joshue 1:8 

It suddenly dawned on me, how quickly I had become ungrateful. So many prayers and blessing were received this morning. This amount of money wasn't significant compared to my husband's bonus. Why was I even letting this be an issue. Why had I so easily forgotten the blessings? 

I am grateful for today. I have been blessed and tested, and fed in more ways than one. 

"For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." Psalms 33:4

**The management did let me know the money was going to their charity fund for the youth which is what they do with money that is found in donated items. 

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

I am ready!

     I was walking in the park with my daughters and I asked if they wanted to walk around the other side of the park and across the bridge that went over the small pond. My 8 year old said, ”Not the big bridge, it scares me!” She then ran up to my side and said, “first I have to hold my momma’s hand and then I can”. She grabbed my hand and exclaimed, “I am ready now!”

     One of the many things being worked on in my life is the time I spend with God, especially in the morning. I had begun praying at the end of the day for God’s will and purpose in my life and his direction. Then I would wake up the next morning and I would start getting ready and move on with my day, never stopping to ask for the one thing I was praying for, His direction. I was convicted! I began praying in the mornings, first thing, and overtime this has grown into getting up a little earlier and even reading the bible. (This time change has thrown me off again on exactly how early I am getting up so I am back to working on that.)

     A scripture that I found one day as my very thoughts were all over the place and I was wondering why I felt so scatterbrained was Matthew 12:30:

“He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad."

     As my daughter grabbed my hand today, all of this came to the forefront. Like children that, with all of their trust, grab their parents hand for guidance and reassurance, we have to grab our Heavenly father’s hand. We have to gather with him first, and then we are ready!

    If you haven’t been doing so, I urge you to grow into meeting with God every morning. This is an intentional action that will become habit over time. Pray, read your bible, talk to Him, whatever it takes to face your day. You will know you are being changed when your heart begins to exclaim, “I am ready.”

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ,

Johnna

Relaxing through the process

When I was a young teenager, I was in and out of the hospital quite often. After about two years, they finally discovered it was my gallbladder. During those years, I endured many procedures. Some of those procedures are the kind that cause adults to be scared. I also had my blood drawn many times. I learned fairly quickly if I would relax and go with it, all would be over quickly and the pain was minimal. I knew if I fought the nurses or tensed up, I would be in more pain. If you have ever had a needle stick in your arm, you know the more tense you are or the more you move, the more likely there would be bruising, swelling, or even a vein would blow.

I am older now but I am always very cooperative at the doctor and I intentionally remain calm so that I can minimize any pain I might have. This was a practice I was able to use while giving birth to my children as well.

I feel emotionally chaotic quite often. I have a ton of things on my plate and I start trying to take control of it all instead of letting it come to me a step at a time. Today, I had planned to get up, make breakfast for my family, get dressed for church and off we would go. My husband ended up being quite sick and the two little ones were coughing. The crud has been going around and knowing we couldn't go to church and spread our germs, we decided we needed to stay home. As I walked in the little girls room, I was overwhelmed with the mess. There were playing cards and clothes from one end to another. I told them to clean and as I went to sit down and calm down, I realized how chaotic I had become. I was breathing and praying and trying to regain composure.

It dawned on me, I was fighting what was happening this day. It hasn't gone as I have planned but my plans shouldn't be what determine my peace. I realized and learned something I pray sticks in my heart. Just as I have learned to relax physically at the doctors office, I have to relax spiritually and emotionally. God is the healer over all of me and while there are "procedures" that He has to work in my life, if I will relax and let God do what He needs to do, the frustration and pain will be less. Fighting God
will make things way more difficult and painful. My will and my way is NOT best. I have to take my day as it comes and let the rest go. God is in control.

After I was able to stop fighting this day and I could reflect on what was going on, well I spent the next 30 minutes with this message on my heart before I gave in to sit down and share it. It's a message I am grateful and I hope it is a stepping stone in my journey so they I can feel less chaotic and I can grow with less pain.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord , and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

Heartfelt Gratitude...

I am a learner. In all things, I try to find the lesson. I have this feeling of peace when I find the lesson in a situation. In that lesson everything makes sense to me and hope fills in me, like I have just been handed a map and I know where I am going from here.

I really look for the lesson when I listen to sermons. Some times it is very clear to me as soon as the pastor starts talking that I am struggling in an area and I need to listen. There are times I have to really pray for my heart to open because I feel like I am missing the lesson. There is another reaction I look for and that is guilt. I know that guilt is a sense that is used to convict me of something I am doing wrong.

Today's sermon was over love as we have been going through 1 Corinthians. We reached chapter 13.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV)

The sermon was taught, Love is a verb and not a noun. I have heard it said, love is the action part of faith. In any case, as I was listening I was trying to get the lesson, what I needed to learn. Then the part came about opening ourselves to let that change happen. Through Christ's love, we wouldn't be the same, everything would be changed.

A feeling came over me, almost prideful at first and I had to process it. A feeling that I wanted to shout "I did that, we did that!!" Nineteen months ago , I hit a bottom in my life, and I hit my knees. Twelve months ago, we hit that same bottom in our marriage and hit our knees again. We submitted it all to God just as we had done with our individual lives.

I realized I wasn't feeling guilt and it wasn't pride, it was gratitude. The lesson of Love wasn't taught to me in church today, but by life over the last year and half. I couldn't shout, "I did that, We did that" because honestly God did that! Today, God brought not just the lesson, but the blessing and feeling of Gratitude. Grateful that I , my husband, and our children know real and true love.

As a family, we practiced love. We took action, and it was God's faithful and unconditional love for us as sinners that turned our lives into more than we ever imagined. Christians since we were children, we no longer believe just what we have been told, we KNOW what we have been told. We have been saved by the Grace of God. We have been forever changed by His love from the inside out.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV)

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna

2013~ A season of growth

It's a brand new year. Its time
to make resolutions, I choose to call them goals. Whatever we want to call them, it's a great time to think about what expectations we have for our lives and what direction we need to go.
Last year was a year of recovery for our entire family. There are many factors that influenced the need for this. The bigger picture, our family wasn't on a spiritual path or living in God's will. We did have about 6 months of recovery going into 2012 but we had many more years of traveling the wrong way.

In 2012, we attended many Celebrate Recovery meetings. We started attending church again. My husband helped launch the landing and I helped launch Celebration Station, the teenage and children ministries for Celebrate Recovery. We were able to visit other churches and recovery programs and give our testimonies. We were blessed to be so immersed, along with our children, into an environment that provided much healing.
Our new way of life was a little terrifying. It was different than anything we had planned. I read in Hebrews a verse that reflected this past year so much for me...

"It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions; "~ (Hebrews 10:31, 32 KJV)

I can literally see God scooping up our family, dangling us across the way like a huge crane, as he swings back on to the path HE intended for us. That swing across was terrifying. So many changes, old environments and old relationships gone replaced with new places and new relationships. Landing on our feet, in the will of God, made it worth it. It just took our obedience and faith.

I worked on several projects this year, one being to see what it would take to bring a homeless resource center to our hometown. I was visiting another homeless resource center with members of a board I serve on. I can't explain the feeling I felt as I stood there in the middle of this day center full of the homeless other than to say it was the hug of God, letting me know this was where I was supposed to be standing. I was froze in place for several minutes.

That recaps a lot of 2012 as far as Recovery is concerned. As 2013 begins, I have set my goals and expectations. One thing I have learned, to pray for God's will for my life and the strength to carry that out. I can't say I have many specific
expectations but as 2012 was to recovery, 2103 will be to growth.

I pray for growth in faith, wisdom, relationships, service, recovery and love.

"Behold, this is the joy of his way, and out of the earth shall others grow. " (Job 8:19 KJV)

Whatever your goals, resolutions, and expectations for 2013... Hold on tight to your faith. Give glory to God whenever possible and always help that love grow by leaving fingerprints.

A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna