Life gets so extremely busy, and really fast too. We live in a fast paced society. There are times I run and I just feel accomplished. I sat down at the end of the day and I see where I attended a conference, 2 meetings, organized coupons, finished grocery shopping, did 6 loads of laundry, had dinner done on time, kids were all bathed, had a productive conversation with my husband and even remembered at some point to put food and water down for the dogs. It is really easy to fall on my knees and thank God for an awesome day and for the energy and strength that it took to get through.
Then there are the days that I am not sure what my name is, I forgot to check backpacks, I can't see my bathroom floor for the piles of laundry in the way, walking down the hallway is more like navigating an obstacle course, I can't find a snack in the cabinets to feed the kids, and I think my husband made it home from work at some point but I was too busy yelling at the half naked child wearing skates with the dog tied behind them to notice. It is really easy to break down crying on these days and ask God where the heck He is at.
"For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 (ESV)
Okay, so this verse is a little harsh for the situation at hand but it is true. More importantly, it is exactly where we are headed, that feeling we have received the sentence of death, that trapped, overhwhelmed, no way out feeling. I think the truth is most people, more than would admit, have reached this point at least once.
This point is something I struggle with a lot. It is the point of running on self-will until I can't run any longer. Self-will is something that is talked about a lot in the circle of addiction and alcholism. The problem for people like me that are not addicts, is that it is kept in that circle, yet it applies to so many others. So many of us, in fact, run on self-will, or at least we try to.
God's first priority is to make us holy. He wants us to want Him and He will do whatever it takes to bring us close. Someone once told me that if we only cry out to God in chaos, he will keep us in chaos. So, what do we do? We sit it all back down. I have to do this more often than I want to tell. I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with my higher power. I can see God shaking his head as I walk up to his throne with my arms full of my burdens and laying them down at His feet, again, for the millionth time. If I had just let God be God instead of trying to do it all on my own, I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. As a Christian, I know that. As a busy mom, wife, housekeeper, worker, friend, I just want to get it all done. The truth is, God gave me more than I can do on my own because he wants me to need him, and I do need him, I really do.
I want to help impact the world in some way, I want to keep seeing change for the good, in my life and the life around me. I want to live in God's will and carry out all the purposes he has prepared for me. I want to leave fingerprints. All my work though isn't for me and it isn't about me. It's God working through me for his purpose, for his will. God knows the desires of my heart and he is faithful and will help me through every bit he has planned, but I have to give it all to him or none of it will happen. It is God's will to be done, not mine.
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:28-31 ESV)
In God's will, I will run and not be weary, I will walk and not faint, I can do whatever that is set before me this day, if I sit it down before God first.
What are you struggling to do and just can't seem to get done? Do you have desires and dreams that you can't figure out how to accomplish? Are you tired and ready to sit it down?
A Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ
~Johnna
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